raced_god | (no subject)

It's been a week. This is overdue.

I'm exhausted. The infiltration. Trying to get my shit together...and now this. I don't think I've ever been so disgusted with myself. You've done some fucking stupid things drunk, Falcon, but this tops it all.

I drove Ollie home Saturday morning and didn't go back to the apartment for a while. Just...drove. Got a speeding ticket. Drove some more. Didn't care about the hangover. Finally went home and threw up. Don't know if it was the booze or what. Slept through till Sunday. Didn't really register anything until this week. Then it hit me like a freight train.

I may or may not have had drunken sex with my married-with-kids best friend.

At the very least, something happened. And I was apparently the initiator.

I'm fairly certain I'd feel at least a little better if only I could remember something. It's all a huge blank. I vaguely recall the conversation, the drive home from the bar--I know Ollie started to get sick at the apartment...and then nothing. Woke up the next morning with with a killer headache and him asleep next to me.

This wouldn't have happened if he hadn't been taking those fucking pills he got from Leon. Dammit, I know he tried out the human thing because of me.

I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Shit, I don't...I didn't want...How could I have let this go on so long that it turned into this!?

I didn't think I felt that way. I still don't know if I feel that way. I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't have time for this shit. This was all such a mistake. All of it. Should have just let him stay at someone else's place when he got kicked out. Because I can't do this anymore.

This isn't worth it. Hell, I'm not worth it. What the fuck does he see in me anyway? ~~What do I see in him...?~~

I have a fucking huge hickey and it won't go away.

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((OOC: Poor poor confused falcon XD he has so much going on fff))

((My heart is breaking like the cries of a hundred outrage anons as one. Or something. I DON'T CARE WHAT ANYONE SAYS THIS DRAMA IS STILL MY FAVORITE THING. >:()

((I'M having fun. I mean outsiders are welcomed to sit back and watch the WTFage but I'm not really trying to entertain anyone but myself. xD))

((Well really that's all that matters. If I were sitting here saying this drama sucks ass and you should stop it and you were all NAH UH I LIKE IT SO I'M GONNA DO IT I'd admire you in some way. I hate it when people like something but back down because they're afraid of what other people think.)

((Ffff I could never hate Falcon. Character development whoo~~

They both have such low self-worth regarding this situation orz. "I'M NOT WORTH IT OMG."))

((For Ollie It's more "OMG WTF I'M MARRIED I'M A TERRIBLE HUSBAND AND FATHER DDDD:"))

[[;3; pffftttt myuuuu~ Falcon need hug. A manly hug. Or a sexy hug. A hug. Lovin' this drama though, seriously. XD]]

((You know how I feel. We're in this, painting houses together Whit. The both of us. I'm having fun and you are too. ILU2 hun~! Partners in criiiime. Apparently semi realistic reactions are emo.))