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I kind of forget how lonely quiet it gets up here. Being in transit is...a little dull, truthfully. I've been going through the school databases...trying to figure out what I can about the Luigi situation to pass the time. I'm slowly but surely making connections but there's still a lot to explain, the least of which is why he's doing this shit in the first place. I'll talk to Rouge when I get back, hopefully we'll be able to sort a few things out.
Even when I'm out on business I can't seem to shake stuff that goes on at the school.
I miss him a lot, and it's been what...two days? Not even.
I dropped him a message today and he dropped the l-bomb. Again. I really wish I knew what to say when he does that. I can't just...not say it back but at the same time...I don't want to say it if I don't mean it. REALLY mean it.
Well, I mean I care a lot about him. A lot. That...should be obvious by now.
It was easy enough to say the night we had sex for the first time but it was a heat of the moment sort of thing...saying things like that...it's just way too committal and I have a hard time doing it. I would never admit this to him but he's not the first guy.
His kids are adorable. I don't think I've ever really mentioned them. But they are. And I can tell they mean the world to him. He tries so fucking hard and here I am putting all of that in jeopardy. And why? Because I'm fucking selfish and stupid and sexually repressed. Am I that desperate for action? Is that even what I want?
Stupid. I hate getting bogged down in introspection.
I guess I'm just used to blowing through romantic partners so quickly that now that I'm faced with an actual relationship I have no fucking clue what I'm supposed to do. I wish I could tell him how I feel...that I don't even know how I feel...without sounding like I don't care.
Samus never gave me an answer. Add that to the list of things I wonder about but I'll never know.
I just wish I could sort things out. I mean...he loves me, he really really does, and I can't figure out what do to about it besides fuck him. But if there's one thing I do know, it's that I need to be there for him. I can't walk away.
And isn't that...? Maybe I...
It's late and I should sleep.
Even when I'm out on business I can't seem to shake stuff that goes on at the school.
I miss him a lot, and it's been what...two days? Not even.
I dropped him a message today and he dropped the l-bomb. Again. I really wish I knew what to say when he does that. I can't just...not say it back but at the same time...I don't want to say it if I don't mean it. REALLY mean it.
Well, I mean I care a lot about him. A lot. That...should be obvious by now.
It was easy enough to say the night we had sex for the first time but it was a heat of the moment sort of thing...saying things like that...it's just way too committal and I have a hard time doing it. I would never admit this to him but he's not the first guy.
His kids are adorable. I don't think I've ever really mentioned them. But they are. And I can tell they mean the world to him. He tries so fucking hard and here I am putting all of that in jeopardy. And why? Because I'm fucking selfish and stupid and sexually repressed. Am I that desperate for action? Is that even what I want?
Stupid. I hate getting bogged down in introspection.
I guess I'm just used to blowing through romantic partners so quickly that now that I'm faced with an actual relationship I have no fucking clue what I'm supposed to do. I wish I could tell him how I feel...that I don't even know how I feel...without sounding like I don't care.
Samus never gave me an answer. Add that to the list of things I wonder about but I'll never know.
I just wish I could sort things out. I mean...he loves me, he really really does, and I can't figure out what do to about it besides fuck him. But if there's one thing I do know, it's that I need to be there for him. I can't walk away.
And isn't that...? Maybe I...
It's late and I should sleep.